Week Two

Well at the end of week two I'm down 4 lbs for a total of 14 pounds in two weeks. Current weight 316lbs.

In one of my earlier posts I mentioned that life is full of events that produce the negative emotions that have traditionally been triggers for overeating for me. This week I've seen those things in my life but have noticed that a lot of those 'conditions' are also self imposed. I guess what I'm getting at is the realization of how interconnected the challenges in our lives are.

I've always assumed that losing weight and getting fit would be beneficial beyond health and physical ability. I've assumed that it would boost confidence, self image etc. This week has shown me though that the conditions that produce the negative emotions that I try to avoid by overeating, cannot simply be combated by replacing the desire to overeat with a more productive activity. Yes that is the method that should be employed but if I am going to get at the heart of the matter I must also address the conditions that produce those negative emotions--at least the ones I have direct control over.

Though this, taken as a whole, can seem an utterly daunting task, the thought of which might lead one to In n' Out, I guess I'm just really comfortable with the fact that the changes I'm trying to make in my life may take some time. To quote one of my favorite movies,'Peaceful Warrior', it is the journey that matters. Not that I want to take a long time, but that I recognize that this will not be solved immediately nor do I need it to be to assuage my ego.

I feel curiously free from the ego driven impulse to be 'successful' on a weight loss and exercise program by the virtue of 'my own strength of will'-- an illusion I've fallen for countless times. I think that ego has been one of my biggest inhibitors to success. It is my ego that has suggested that for so long I need to struggle alone, and hide my failures and overeating.

We are blessed with friends and family on the earth in part for the very purpose of aiding each other in our endeavors to be better. Yet I have been, indeed many of us are convinced that we must maintain this strange facade that we are islands capable by the virtue of our own strength of will to become that which we are utterly dependent on our Savior to become; perfected in Christ.

The implication then follows that if we, as disciples of Christ are striving to do what He would do were he here, are we not then tasked with aiding in the efforts of each other to be better? This is not an extraordinary thought by any means, most of us are willing to help close friends and family should we be asked to do so.

What I do think is an interesting thought is the other side of that coin: Are we as individuals ready to be aided in our efforts to be better by those around us that are trying to do as Christ would do were He here? How often does the Savior offer His outstretched hand in the form of a close friend or a family member who is striving to act on His behalf, only to have it figuratively batted away by our own ego/pride that insists that we must accomplish our righteous desires by virtue of our own strength and faith alone?

Obviously I'm not suggesting that the mighty change of heart that accompanies a mighty change of the person can come from any source but repentance and faith on our Savior. Alma the senior at the waters of Mormon put it to his followers this way: Mosiah 18: 8 "...and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light...".

This scripture suggest to me that we each have burdens to bear but that we can choose to make them lighter by helping others with their burdens while at the same time accepting help of others to lighten our own. While one could make the argument that bearing the heavier burden can only make us stronger, I would suggest instead that bearing the lighter burden will enable us to journey further on the road to being perfected in Christ. In other words we can go farther/be better as individuals by bearing each others burdens than we can by saying 'I am strong and will bear my burdens alone! They are mine and I will own them!!'

Take it from me, when weighed down with the full weight of your own burdens it only makes you less able to help others bear their burdens. Less capable of living well. Less capable of being happy. Less capable of being successful in your righteous endeavors. I've struggled under the weight of those burdens for too long; the weight of which I've dealt with by repeatedly plunging myself into an overeating induced dopamine fog.

To be human is to be fallen--to be in a perpetual state of weakness that only the sacrifice of our Lord Jesus Christ can rescue us from. In this way we are 'nothing' because we can merit nothing of ourselves. It is our ego or pride that tries to suggest by hiding our weaknesses that we are something, when truly we are nothing.  I actually love being nothing for it is when I do not pretend to be something that I am best able to be what my God would have me be. While I'm not talking about announcing our imperfections from the pulpit on Sunday it is cathartic for me to remember that I do not have to pretend to be perfect in order to be loved, in order to be a help to others, in order to do what the Savior would do were He here. Being nothing allows me to make an ego free effort to try to be better, to be more like my Savior, and at the same time to be patient with that process as I will only be perfected in Him on His timetable and by trusting in Him.