So today was fast Sunday, and given how much I've been restricting, I wasn't looking forward to it. All the same though I found I was able to handle the hunger better than I usually do simply because I've been somewhat hungry all week.
After breaking my fast and eating I found that I inevitably ate too much. The fun thing was that it was too much way before it used to be. I used to be able to knock down 2 or 3 helpings of post-fast Sunday dinner and still be ready for more. Today I put down one, started into another and found I was completely stuffed half way through.
This got me to thinking about the mental retraining that I need to do. One thing about being a bit hungry during the week is that I realized the sky is not going to fall if I'm a bit hungry, and that I do not need to put down 3000 calories in a single meal to make up for it.
I know this again may sound strange to some who've always lived in skinny bodies, but I've never really imagined a world in which I don't overeat on a regular basis. In my world (or the world that I'm endeavoring to leave) you diet and work out to lose weight, and then once you've lost the weight you get to go back to 'enjoying' food by eating too much of it.
I discuss this mental attitude of a healthy person quite extensively in the first post of this blog, but there is a difference between discussing it on a cerebral level and actually experiencing this idea that even after I've been hungry for a long time, I can just eat a normal portion and be satisfied.
I know it seems like I'm making elementary points here, points that are common knowledge, but so often the inertia of a lifetime of ingrained poor choices carries us careening past our own logic and intelligence along a river of habit, and subconscious needs. It is a comforting river if for no other reason than that we know it. We know how it works, and we're comfortable there. We even take comfort in our ability to see that it is time to get out of the water, that staying there is making our lives difficult, yet we remain. I can see the problem, I know what the problem is, I even know how to fix it, but I know overeating will be there for me when I'm having a difficult time.
I'm not suggesting that I've conquered my desire or need for overeating. I'm just saying that after fasting today, overeating and realizing that I really didn't need to I can see that it is possible to actually live that way happily. To not have a constant love hate relationship with food. You love it so you eat a ton of it, then you hate yourself for eating too much again and blame the culprit that 'made' you do it.
Experiencing that today was worth more than writing a 200 page book on the subject.
Thanks Dan for your inspiring words! You've made some very great points that have helped me realize some things about my own point of view. I am really glad you are sharing this with us as it is helping me along as well! :)
ReplyDeleteHey Dan, Well said about the fasting! I found myself in the very same situation on Sunday! Feeling like I really wanted to make up for the lack all in one sitting.
ReplyDeleteIt reminds me of something I learned from a nutritionist that I went to a couple of times in the fall. She said that the word for "Full" in Japanese means "Not Hungry". (is that true?) I think I have something inside of me that believes that "Full" is what you should be after you eat. Empty before, "full" after. It was an interesting shift in thinking to realize that you could be "Hungry" and "Not Hungry", and that probably meant a lot less food. Interestingly the American Sign language sign for "full" is putting your hand under your chin, like "I'm full up to HERE", which is what I think my body likes to be, but it really doesn't. I really do feel best when I eat to be "Not Hungry" instead of "full".
Yeah I'm not sure about that. The direct translation of the word I used for 'I'm Full'is 'ippai'. But there well may be another word that is closer to that. 'Moii' means I've had enough is that anything?
DeleteI think the biggest issue for me about eating and not being full is that whole subconscious fear that you don't know when your next meal will be available, or similiarly, you don't know when you are going to be able to eat something as delicious again so you eat as much as you can. I have always feared a shortage of food, which is ridiculous because rarely have I known a shortage of food. And rarely is there a shortage of good food. I don't feel that when I have snacks packed though. It helps me just to know I have an apple that I could eat any time I want to. That seems to help me with that mentality about not eating until I am full to my eyes.
ReplyDeleteI have seen that my friends who are really fit view food more as fuel instead of as this necessary pleasure. That seems to be a game changer.
That's such a good habit, having snacks with you at all times. This nutritionist I went to encouraged me to get one of those thermal lunch bags, put apples, nuts, carrots string cheese in it, store it in the fridge and take it with me everywhere i go just like I do with my purse. I can't say that I have done it, (but typing it reminds me what a great idea it is)but I did remember the concept the other evening when I had to go somewhere far that was going to take 3 hours during the dinner hour. I knew i'd come out hungry, and I knew how many places there were to stop along the way. So I got some celery and put it in a container with a little of that delicious greek yogurt veggie dip from costco (so yummy, you must try!). THen I munched on that on the way home, and was so glad.
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