Triumph and Challenge

I recently had a discussion with one of my sisters in-law about the difficulty of getting back 'on' after eating whatever you want whenever you want during the holidays. Yes I know that not everyone eats themselves stupid over the holidays, but I did the last 6 weeks leading up to January 1st. (and the six weeks before that, and the six weeks before that...) Let's face it food during the holidays is not only delicious and plentiful but comforting and traditional. January 1st I honestly did not know if I would be able to go from that to a calorie restricted diet. 

It was difficult at first. Partly because I went with a really calorie restricted diet plan that I'll talk more about in another post. I'll tell you the triumph first, this is my 5th day on this plan and I've already noticed a few things:

1. I've lost the 9 pounds I gained over the holidays. Water weight most likely but still encouraging to see. 

2. It's cliche to say, but I'm just surprised how much better the food I do eat tastes.

3. I just feel better, more focused, and more able to make good food choices over bad ones. 

It has not come without challenge. That kind of immediate calorie restriction made me slightly desperate for food the first few days. I didn't physically feel ill but I noticed I was walking around 'carefully' like I was somehow fragile or something. Consequently for one or two meals I over indulged in terms of portion size and one meal was way too salty. That wasn't an issue as much on days and three and four. 

The biggest challenge came yesterday when I had my first encounter with an emotional/secret eating temptation. I got frustrated with one of my children and raised my voice. I almost always feel bad when that happens and so I then retreated into my heretofore standard emotional coping methods. Find some excuse to get out of the house and go through a drive-thru. Do anything I can to fill the spiritual/emotional pain with physical food. (seems ludicrous when put that way no?) I even sat there and tried to justify it in my diet plan, oh one time will be fine, or I'll just exercise extra, or I'll eat less tomorrow. And so it begins. These are the excuses I've always used so it was good to face them not as my enabling friends but as foes to be defeated. I didn't feel that way in the moment. If you haven't dealt with food addiction you may not appreciate how difficult those moments can be. I did not see them as conquerable at the time. But I knew that if I hurried and called my wife before I could talk myself out of it and told her of my plan to secretly eat I would not do it. So I did call her and instead of sneaking out and eating two double cheeseburgers I had two bowls of the most delicious low-fat chicken and vegetable soup instead. Thanks Dana for that recipe!

I know it's only been a few days, but with little triumphs come incremental increases in confidence in ones ability to handle the next challenge. With failure comes opportunity to learn how to succeed. I'm sure I'll experience both, but hopefully the general trajectory will be up...er...em, down. : )