During weeks 7-12 I've only lost another 2 lbs. Current weight is 310 lbs.
As many of you know the last 5 weeks have been a challenge with our new son. I've had a few instances of regression with emotional eating including occasional overeating. I have however not been binge eating, and I've stayed away from fast food. I suppose the best way to describe my efforts is that I've been in a bit of a holding pattern.
I've been struck a lot lately at the difference between those who understand a concept and talk about it, vs those who understand a concept, thoroughly and successfully over time implement it, and then talk about it after they've lived the results. There is a power in their words that is not present in the non-implementer. There is no oratory (or prose) that can overcome the lack of devoted, persistent and consistent application of correct principals. While the words spoken may be accurate, and even useful to a humble seeker, they lack the force of authority, confidence and depth of understanding that comes from an applier.
I've had two experiences lately that have reinforced these ideas to me. The first was a stake president interview for a temple recommend renewal. Our Stake President has always seemed a good man, very friendly, and very humble, but I would not describe him as a highly charismatic individual. Intimidating is the last word I would choose to describe him. I think sometimes it is easy to mistake that kind of humility for shall we say a 'pliable' or easily coerced temperament. (Not that I was trying to coerce...promise!!) At any rate, despite this initial impression of him, as I sat across from him looking into his eyes and answering the temple questions I was stunned at the mans authority, and personal power. I cannot recall another instance where I felt so powerfully Godly nobility in another person. He was just asking the temple questions, not being dramatic in the least but to say I sensed his authority and his personal conviction and application of righteousness in his life is an understatement. The room was absolutely saturated by it.
The other experience was in sacrament meeting last week where the exact opposite occurred. A good looking young man, who was well spoken, presented a talk that was a veritable research paper of quotable quotes. He spoke in a slow, deliberate manner like a statesmen, or one who was trying to sound as profound as the words might merit. I have no problem with people quoting other people in talks but he was not attributing his quotes instead attempting to sound like he owned and had lived the knowledge he was trying to impart. My assumption is that his motives were mostly pure, he truly wanted to say something that might be of a benefit to the listeners, but his words had no authority, and no power, only pretended confidence.
The irony is that appliers tend to be able to see the non-appliers very easily. It is only when you begin to become an applier yourself that you recognize just how much of a talker you were, and how most appliers around you knew that anyway, but were too kind to say anything. Too kind or too frustrated as the talker already 'knows' it, and takes comfort in their ability to 'understand' intellectually a principal only. "Ever learning but never coming to a knowledge" says Peter.
What in the world does this have to do with weight loss? The efforts I'm making are mostly about learning to become an applier of knowledge. If I gain nothing else but an increased ability to do that I will consider my efforts worth while. In my efforts what I'm finding out about myself is often very painful to see, but such is the nature of breaking down our own false conceptions and mis-beliefs. Facing these parts of myself has been and continues to be very difficult. The resulting pain and even loss I feel at the lack of a ready excuse to stay stuck where I have been however I think will be thoroughly worth it if it means becoming a doer and applier of knowledge. Then and only then can we effectively impart knowledge to the aid of others. Until then, well, its just talk.
